L4. I Just Wanted A Dog

As we all know, graduation is not too far away; about three months. It’s common for people to have graduation parties and for parents to buy their kids something kind of “big” for graduation. I told my parents that I didn’t want to have a big graduation party because I don’t think we need to waste the money on it. She asked me if I wanted something instead, I told her I wanted a dog. My family has never had a small dog and has never wanted one, I have always. I have never been close with my pets because they’ve always been huge and annoying to me, as bad as that may sound. I want a little fluffy dog, I told her exactly that. She told me that if she bought me one that she would kick it around our house (she would never do such a thing). My parents told me that they wouldn’t buy me a little dog but in the back of my mind, I thought they were really going too; there was nothing that I wanted instead. They surprised me last week of planning a cruise to go on after graduation, that was my present. Most people would be really happy to get away and go somewhere warm, I however, am not.  Why you ask? I am completely terrified by the ocean and planes, both which I would have to experience by this little vacation that they have planned. We have to fly to Florida to get onto the ship and then we’re on the ship for seven days, my two biggest fears. In some way I’m a little excited because it’s a Disney cruise and I’ll get to see amazing things and go to amazing places, like Bermuda! But most of me is terrified because I know if I see the water as we’re surrounding by ocean, I’m probably going to pass out. I don’t want to sound like a spoiled brat because I do appreciate that my parents are doing this for me, their letting me bring a friend on too! But I really, really wish they would have agreed on the whole dog situation.

L3. Blah Blah Blah

There are many things that tend to annoy me and end up making me angry, other than Bill Penny. I’d have to say that the biggest thing is when people can’t mind their own business and they end up starting unnecessary drama that has NOTHING to do with them. People are incredibly ridiculous these days. For example, if someone ties their show wrong or weird and someone sees it, they go to someone else and tell them and it gets around and someone feels the need to add onto the story which causes rumors and makes people dislike someone for being themselves.  Also, I hate that people can’t mind their own business no matter the situation. People are so judgment, you’re either going to be criticized for being yourself or trying to fit in, nothing is ever good enough because there is always someone who has something to say. The best part of it is that no one even knows what their talking about; people to choose to but in when they have absolutely no reason to do so. Also, many people are incredibly disrespectful. A lot of people today say and do things that hurt other and they don’t show any emotion of it. Many people go through things that others don’t know about, they make comments or take a joke too far and it often causes hurt, etc to the person that it is directed to. Another thing that tends to annoy me is when people try to be like others. For example, if someone is talking about something, like where they’re going on vacation and a certain person jumps in and lies to say their going there too just in order to fit in. It’s like there is four people in one person’s body so that people “like” them but in reality, people end up disliking a person who does everything they can for people to like them. You are the way you are for a specific person, there is no reason to try and be something you’re not; in any situation.

L2. Risk 1 Risk 2 Risk 3

My three greatest fears are the ocean, planes, and not living my life to its full potential. These three all come together towards the end. I’m afraid of the ocean mostly because I fell into the ocean at a beach in North Carolina during the winter when I was about three. I don’t remember it at all but Id assume that has a lot to do with it. Even in pools, I try and stay away from the deep end; I’m not the best swimmer either.  Over the summer when I went to Florida with my family, they were all in the ocean boogie boarding and I was the one farthest away from the water on the beach. Plus, when we were at the beach the currents were stronger than usually and two boys got brought far out and were drowning, life guards were trying as hard as they can to push their way through to get them. Next, I’ve been on a plane about six times and I’ve almost cried each time I’ve had to go on it. There’s a lot that can go wrong on a plane and I never want/wanted to take the chance of going on something that could end in such a bad way. Many people say that a plane is the safest way to travel. In my opinion, I’d rather get into a car accident than a plane crash. Finally, I’m afraid of not living my life to its full potential to the reasons above. I worry about things a lot more than a seventeen year old girl should, this is supposed to be the “best moments of your life” and when I’m at the beach I run away from the water.  I realize that a lot of bad things can and do happen but life is all about taking risks and I need to just risk going on a plane and going in the ocean because it’s always going to be an experience that I’ll never forget. Even though I realize this, I don’t think that’ll ever change my thoughts on planes or water. I would go on a plane but I just get really nervous and feel like I’m going to constantly throw up, no big deal. Lastly, for graduation my parents surprised me with a cruise to the Bahamas and I don’t even want to go. For this, you have to take a plane in order to get to the ship, I feel like I’m luring myself into my own death trap. Then, my Grandpa has been wanting to take me to Europe for the past two summers and I’ve always been too scared because it’s about a 13 hour plane ride over the ocean. It’s Europe, I know it’d be an amazing experience but I always let my fears get in the way of some of my decisions. Life is all about making decisions whether their right or wrong, I have to take risks in order to find out.

L1. A New Memory Each Year

The Super Bowl is the annual championship game of the National Football League (NFL), the highest level of professional American football in the United States. I would go to all the high school footballs games because I always thought that winning to them meant way more than it did/does to the NFL players; but that’s not always the case. In the past years, my family and I would go to aunt’s super bowl party and there would be 30-60 people there each year.  It’s something that many people looked forward to; there would be food across the entire house, enough to feed a person for the next ten years of their life. My aunt had moved about three years ago so the party tradition came to an end. Two years ago, my parents decided that we would have our own super bowl party which was a lot of fun. It seems when we all get together that not many people end up fully paying attention to the game. We’re the type of people that the room becomes silence when every commercial comes on and we’ll end up reciting it for the rest of the night until someone tells us to shut up. To my family, the super bowl is seen as a holiday. Our friends and family come together, catch up with one another, and enjoy the best food that we’ll ever taste. This year was way different though. A lot of people we know have had a really bad year, including my family. This year our friends and family just kind of did their own thing, we didn’t have a big crazy get together like in the past years. This year I slept through the entire super bowl somehow and woke up to my Mom screaming because the Giants had won the super bowl. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of the super bowl is about four years ago when we were at a party and this commercial came on. The commercial had a cat running with a remote and the guy was chasing him because he wanted to watch the super bowl. In my opinion it was one of the dumbest commercials that I’ve ever seen but my Dad thought it would be a fantastic idea to act like the guy and chase the cat at the house we were at. Little to say, I walked out of the bathroom to see my Dad fall on his face and it was one of the best moments of my life.

Life Goes On

My family and I were never close, ever since the beginning of high school; all I’ve ever wanted to do was to leave. The day after graduation I was off to Barcelona where I’ve always wanted to be. Barcelona was my home time and I couldn’t have been happier when my family and I were living there. We had no problems, it was normal. My Dad had to get a new job though, that’s when everything changed. We moved to Ontario, Canada and I hated it more than anything. I didn’t fit in with the people or their interests, no one cared to make me feel included. The day of graduation was the only day that I felt truly important to my family. Graduation was the first time that my parents approached me of moving to Barcelona. They knew I bought my plane ticket and that I found an apartment with two other roommates and they never once tried to talk to me out of it or convince me to stay, that’s what made me want to go more and more. On graduation my parents tried bribing me with everything they could think of to get me to stay home. I don’t think they did or could understand the way they made feel, we are just two different kinds of people. The day I left for Barcelona was a lot harder than I ever imagined it’d be. Seeing my parents faces as I was walking around broke me because I could tell that they really didn’t want me to go but my mind was made up. As I approached my new apartment in Barcelona my roommates were really nice! I use to go to school with one of them. It was a decent size place, I really enjoyed it. I had my own room, it was one of the smaller rooms but it was perfect for me. I had a view out of the window that you could see more miles. During the day Id open my window up all the way and let the summer air breeze come in through my room. All my worries and conflicts seemed to disappear as I sat in my room. I felt happiness; I felt that this is what I had been waiting for. A big part of me wants to run home sometimes though, I know that I need to be strong and vend for myself. It’s hard, beyond hard, its life though.

A New Perspective

I had been living in Manhattan since I could remember but I never understood as to why it was such a popular place to visit. There were constantly tourist around my house with a million bags. I never got the chance to experience the city, I was always by myself since I was about three. I’m eight now living in an apartment with just the butler. I’m home schooled and I don’t have many friends, none at all actually. I don’t think I will ever understand the meaning of friendship, maybe it’s because I’m too scared of getting someone taking away from me or someone leaving me, I don’t think I could ever handle it. Ronald, my butler always wanted to be there for me, he always is. Ronald constantly asked if I wanted to go out, even if it was to get the mail or go get a happy meal and McDonalds, but Id just shrug my shoulders and walk away. I never found a reason for me to go outside and experience where there is, I was fine by myself and I had been that way for the past eleven years.  I realize I’m different than others but a big part of me doesn’t care, I am who I am and I don’t think that could ever change. I lived by the river and I always heard boats racing back and forth and coming in late at nights, I always wanted to go see them but was too afraid too.  One night, I came out of my room and Ronald wasn’t in the apartment, I didn’t know whether  I should worry or just go back to my room and pretend it was normal, even though I knew it wasn’t. About thirty minutes later I heard Ronald come in and I came downstairs and

 I said “I didn’t know where you were, you worried me”,

he replied “Oh dear, I’m sorry, I just went to the river to clear my head.”

“What is the river like? I’ve always wondered” I said.

“It’s a wonderful place Charlie, come with me, it’ll be okay.” Ronald said.

As we walked out the door I became comfortable with each step we took, I had a gut feeling that this was a good thing to do, something that needed to happen. As we approached the river I got nervous, there was butterflies in my stomach, big ones. I can’t exactly explain how I was feeling. Ronald pointed to the most exotic boats that were coming in and out at night. Everyone seemed so happy and enjoyed what they were doing, something I’ve never completely felt.  It was amazing to me and at that very moment, I finally realized what there was to actually experience outside of an apartment.

K2. It Was Just A Dream

I had it all, my life was perfect. I finally made it as a doctor, making millions of dollars and helping people each day of my life. I’ve moved to Florida, had a mansion right on the beach. This is everything I wanted, I was successful. I felt as if I didn’t deserve it though. Ever since that one day, in ninth grade, when I told that boy he wasn’t good enough to talk to, me I feel this regret. We were young and stupid then, I’m sure he forgot all about it. I’ve helped my parent’s pay all their bills, including their house off, I’ve made sure that everyone in my life was okay and more than happy.  There wasn’t one thing I wouldn’t do for anyone, whatever it took, I’d do it. I went to Penn State College for four years, transferred to University of Buffalo to get my PHD and finish up my doctoral degree. I’ve accomplished so much to get where I am at today and it’s worth it. I went to the beach with some friends and the current were stronger than usual. My friends and I were boogie boarding and I got stuck in the currents, I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t escape the water! I tried to pull my way up above the water, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t escape, each time my arms fought back; it would send me out further and push me down harder and harder. The last thing I remember is seeing a boat coming towards me...  I woke up on the beach, a man pushing on my chest and stomach saying “1 and 2 1 and 2” again “3 4 3 4, stay with me man, gotta be strong.” I suddenly woke up, I saw a man I thought I recognized. There were twenty; maybe more people hovering over me, I was in complete shock. The man that saved my life was the man from ninth grade, the man that I told wasn’t good enough to talk to me.  “AHHHHHHHHHH” I woke up screaming in my bed. I never should have said that to Jimmy, he didn’t deserve it. I’m no better than anyone else; I don’t know why I did that.

What I realized when I woke up in my bed a four in the morning was that, I’m only in ninth grade and I have my entire life figured out; life is too short to be mean. I couldn’t stop thinking; I just wanted it to be time to wake up so I could tell Jimmy sorry. The next day, I made sure the first thing I did was find Jimmy and apologized. Jimmy told me it hurt his feelings but he thought it was true, he made it known that he had always looked up to me.  That was the first and last day, I’d ever treat someone like dirt.

K1. A Mystery

October 28, 2003

I had been working in the office since early morning, I couldn’t wait to get home and just relax. My whole week had been so stressful; I couldn’t handle any other obstacles that may have come my way. As I walked in the door, I realized that I still had to continue my research for work; I also had a three page paper to write that was due in just two days. I walked into the kitchen to find no food in the cabinets, fridge, or counter, there wasn’t anything edible expect for a box of four year old cereal. I decided to walk to the market that was just up the street, I didn’t bother locking my door; I didn’t have anything to worry about. When I got to the market, I had a weird feeling, as if I forgot something. Was it my money? No. My keys? No. I could not figure out as to why I was feeling this way.  I proceeded to get my groceries, I got canned goods and a couple TV dinners that could last me the rest of the week. As I walked back home, I couldn’t help but notice that the wind was really picking up.  I walked up to my apartment to find my door wide open with all the lights off, except for one, one that I’ve never used since I moved in. Towards the back of my apartment there is a balcony with two doors that led outwards. The balcony doors were wide open with the curtains flying within the wind. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know whether I should run be brave and figure out what and who was in my apartment, I was scared! I knew someone was in there, I felt like I was on constant watch. I saw something run past me; I picked up my chair in case it might have been needed. I tried to turn on every light in the house but none would, just that one lamp was turned on.  The wind picked up more; the table was about to fall when I noticed something under my carpet.

May 12, 2005:

I never thought I’d ever black out. I’ll never forget that day though, from what I can remember.  The doctors won’t tell me why I’m in here, in the hospital. I’m only told that I blacked out and some lady, not even from my building reported seeing me.  It’ll haunt me for the rest of my life. I would do anything to know why my doors were open, where that lamp came from, and what was under that carpet. It’s a mystery alright; it’s like a dream that keeps repeating...